Before we ever said hello

Blessing by a man after miscarriage1

Before we could ever say hello I loved the idea of you.
I loved the thought of each of your lives entwined with ours2,
Joined in destiny and love and heartache and joy.

Sparks of the Divine, I fathered your beginnings3,
Nurtured you with my own soul;
Dreamed of loving you in life.

But this was not to be.
You struggled to find your way here
And we struggled to find a way to help you.
You came part of the way, you did your best;
But something wasn’t right,
The pattern wouldn’t settle.
Before we could ever say hello
You had to leave.

Where are you now?
What is your destiny?
Wherever you have gone, you also live on here
In my mind, in my heart, in my grief;
In the bitter-sweet joy of my remembering.

You were loved.
No, the truth is – and this is harder to say –
I love you still
Not just for what you might have been
But for what you were and are:
You are my best, the children of my loins4,
My love, my life.

I love you more than anyone can know, and more.
And now, before we ever said hello
I must say goodbye, and give a father’s blessing5:

In love, you were conceived;
As tiny seeds of hope you were received6.
And now, before we ever said hello,
May God bless you on your way –
I freely let you go.

Notes
  1. The words of this blessing can be adapted so it can be said by a woman, or a couple.
  2. Alternative: I loved the thought of your [life] entwined with ours.
  3. [A spark] of the Divine, I [mothered / was there at] your beginning.
  4. … the [child] of my [body]
  5. … and give a [mother’s / parent’s]
  6. As [a tiny seed] of hope you were received.

This has also been published on Ritual Well at http://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/blessing-man-after-miscarriage

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